I signed in today to write a new entry and this popped up as a saved draft... funny.


"When I think about where I was a year ago...I realize so much has changed.

I'm a different person now and as I look around I see my friends have grown and changed as well.

We're all a little wiser, a little stronger and certainly different.

I spent so much time thinking about why things happened and what could have been so much that I stopped living. Getting away was the best thing I could do for myself.

So here I am. In Greece, sitting at my laptop updating after a few months passed. "



The semester is almost over now. I found an amazing guy on a Habitat for Humanity trip. I'm writing food articles for the paper about my 'hidden jewels', I have a couple of different career options for the summer.

There is a concierge company in Boston, a luxury apartment/ hospitality company in California, among other things...

so much potential, I just need to find the drive in me to do it. Do I try and jump start my career now? Or wait for one more summer?

Magnani and I were talking the other day about how our prospectives are changing. When we were young you would never think ahead, you just live each day as it comes. Now we're thinking five or ten years down the line, what we want to do when we retire, and when can we travel more.

I'm not even 21 years old and these are the conversations we are having. I hope that it is just something that happens as you get older.

So that amazing guy, Matt I met is actually a senior. Problem: He's graduating this semester and I'm not. Other problem he has to find a LIFE JOB. Because of his impeccable smarts he's been offered jobs all over. Which is amazing! I would never want a anyone to hold me back if it meant being happy and successful with opportunities for a great future.
He's in Arizona now for an interview with Intel.

But all I can say is it's hard.

I meeting with Carmen Iannuzzi today in the Throp we're going to try and figure out a way to have a scholarship ready for this years graduation for Alessandra's 5 year anniversary.

Sadly, to me it feels like that was so long ago, but five years, I guess isn't really that long of a time span.

I'm getting a wee bit Melancholy... hmmm.....

Today was definitely special.

It sort of the last night of summer for some, but I spent it with my favorite people not doing anything that significant. This was just what I needed.



I'm so lucky I have you guys.

I want to be in love. Head over heals, have to catch your breath just thinking about them, wondering what they're doing right this very second in love.

I miss that feeling...

It's been a long time. Now you'll find out why I feel this way right now by reading:

A former Bostonian and a British woman came into the VC just a short while ago. The man and I chatted about Boston for a little while he had grown up in Hyde Park and lives in New Hampshire now. When the woman joined us they explained how they had been on a trip to London recently and now it was his turn to be tour guide in the states. Any who...

He asked if I had a moment so he could share a story with me and I complied with his request listened carefully. He began to explain how he was in the airforce in the 60s. In 1961 he was stationed in France and there was one day in particular where a group of officers were playing around with racecar/bumper car type things. Two young girls were watching in the stands as they played and he and his friend decided to approach them thinking they were French. It turns out the girls were English. They got to know eachother, strictly platonic of course and spent the next few days together while the girls were on holiday. The man and woman stayed in touch over the years and he even came to visit her in London for sometime. After writing letters for a few years eventually they lost touch. Until one year ago, when the woman in the VC who was that same woman on the air force base that day contacted him. She had come to the US on holiday to visit him and never left. The woman was blushing by the end of the story and was resistant to him telling it at all, but I'm so glad he did.
He pulled out pictures from his wallet of them from his visit to London which she had kept over all those years.

Now if that isn't a story for the sequel to the Notebook, I don't know what is.

Are you crying yet? Because I'm about to.

Your Life
[x] they call me: Barbara or Babs
[x] sex: Fem-bot
[x] my first breath of air: June 9th 1987
[x] status: F'd up
[x] best friends: amanda, chrissy, vin, meg, magnani, scotty among others

Rewind
[x] most memorable memory: as of late...cottage in scituate..
[x] worst?: alessandra's death
[x] first best friend ever!?: Jamie Oliver...bitchez
Love?
[x] love is: a many splendid thing
[x] first love: Zack
[x] love or lust?: Love
[x] is it possible to be in love w/ more than one person at the same time: Not exactly
[x] true or false: all you need is love: True...in some ways
[x] is there such thing as love at first sight?: sort of...
[x] are you in love right now?: no
[x] how many times have you been in love?: But once

Preferred Sex
[x] turn ons: Dark hair, fuzzyness, a bit scruffy, sense of humor, ability to play an instraument, spontinaity
[x] do your parent's opinion on your bf/gf matter to you?: Not exactly, bf whatever if it's husband/fiance whole nother story
[x] what kinda hair style?: longish...rugged
[x] the sweetest thing a member of the preferred sex can do for you?: Spoon or get me flowers...let it be know girls love flowers and any sort of surprise
[x] where do you go to meet new people?: UMass Amherst, the VC or faneuil hall desk haha
[x] are you the type of person to HOLLER and ask for numbers?: define holler. I let the guy make the first move unless he's too shy.

Picky Picky
[x] dog or cat: dog, small preferably
[x] short or long hair: Short.
[x] sunshine or rain: sunshine
[x] moon or sun: sun.
[x] 1 best friend or 10 acquaintances: One best friend.
[x] summer or winter: summer
[x] written letters or e-mails: Written letters.
[x] play station or nintendo: the original nintendo
[x] car or motorcycle: Car.
[x] house party or club: house party or concert
[x] sing or dance: BOTH! but i just dance for fun

Lately
[x] how are you today?: tired.
[x] what pants are you wearing right now?: way to assume. I'm wearing a skirt cause I'm at work
[x] what does your hair look like at the moment?: In a sexy low pony tail
[x] what song are u listening to right now?: Once again when you ASSUME you make an ASS out of U and ME. silence
[x] how is the weather right now?: It's comfortable in the 70s
[x] last person you talked to on the phone?: hmm...scotty according to my call log
[x] last dream you can remember?: it involved the drummer from Elvis Perkins in dearland and unfortunatly my mom woke me up!
[x] who are you talking to right now?: Kristin and Bobby via text
[x] what time is it? 11:21 AM.

More About YOU!
[x] if you were a crayon, what color would you be?: A funky green color?
[x] have you ever almost died?: When I was in first grade before I got my tonsils out...I could have suffocated in my sleep
[x] have u ever won any special award?: Unsung hero and one for fam & consumer sciences
[x] what's the stupidest thing u have ever done?: pour water on paul cauhtinos pants lol
[x] how many kids do you want to have?: 1 or 2
[x] son's name?: Peter
[x] daughter's name?: not sure
[x] shampoo?: herbal essences
[x] what are you most scared of?: death.
[x] how many TV's do you have in your house?: a one.
[x] do you have your own TV?: no.
[x] have you ever broken/sprained/fractured a bone?: arm/wrist TWICE
[x] who do you dream about?: traveling, my future, family, performing
[x] who do you tell your dreams to?: some friends
[x] is cheerleading a sport?: borderline.
[x] how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?: I'd say 176

You And Love
[x] do you have a girlfriend or boyfriend?: I was asked this before and once again, it's complicated
[x] where would you like to go on your honeymoon?: Some place where it's ridiculously laid back probably an island but I'd rather a more secluded one
[x] what do you like most of the preferred sex?: Personality
[x] do you find yourself attractive?: sometimes, I'm no narcisist that's for sure
[x] do others find you attractive?: Apparently some do. BELIEVE IT OR NOT!

sooo... driving home from chrissy's today, wearing my umass hoodie and a red sox hat, dirty water came on.

way to be a bostonian.



25 days until Europe.



Amanda's b-day is approaching rapidly. what to do, what to do?


call me. because i'm most likely bored and alone.

I'm REALLY glad my cell phone went off in the middle of my faneuil hall talk today in front of a group of 50 people.





At least it was for a good reason, MY PASSPORT FINALLY CAME! Commence step two: Get Visa. Only to commence step four: Figure out what the hell I'm going to bring and buy whatever I need.






btw, july needs to be over now.

It's really kind of sad, when you put 20 years of your life in one car load.

1. Are you taller than your mom?
about the same height

2. What color is your shower curtain?
white

3. What is the closest thing to you right now that is red?
a magazine

4. What is your ring tone?
backstreet boys- I want it that way

5. Does anything hurt on your body right now?
feet

6. What color is your favorite pillow?
faded white

7. What is your favorite video game?
SUPER MARIO BROTHERS or Mario Party

8. Had a nap today?
nope, but I need one

9. Gold or Silver?
Silver

10. Is there an animal that creeps you out?
I don't like white rats or any kind of insect

11. Who was the last person you rode an elevator with?
melissa and meredith

12. Did you go ice skating as a kid?
I took lessons slash did it up on frog pond

13. Ever have stitches?
yes, on muh face

14. Favorite non-alcoholic drink?
milk + or - the shake

15. How long ago did you hug someone?
hmmm...yesterday probs

16. What's something you want to do before you die?
See a broadway show!!

17. Have you ever caught something on fire?
haha, YES!

18. Have you ever seen a ghost?
no but talk to chrissy

19. Have you ever seen northern lights?
No

20. Do you know how to use chop sticks?
yes

21. Name something good that happened today?
NOTHING!

22. What room are you in?
the "waldorf" of the VC

23. Are you worried about something you can't control?
Yes

24. Do you take daily medications?
nope

26. Are you wearing nail polish?
negative

27. What time is it?
3:30

28. Innie or Outie?
Innie.

29. Ever used a Ouija board?
yes

30. Sweet or Sour?
sweet

31. Sun or Moon?
moon

33. Favorite eye color of the opposite sex?
hmmm... I'm not picky

36.Time of day you were born?
3:40 in the am
37. Do you know your blood type?
I think 0

38. Do you know how to kill a zombie?
with light and a stake in the heart... I have no fucking clue

40. What would you spend 5,000 dollars on right now?
northface jacket and back pack. shopping spree at forever 21 and victoria's secret. Get a good meal some place in boston. The rest for TRAVELING!

41. Name something annoying you?
This DAY!


42. Which animal(s) remind you of yourself?
otters......!

43. Whats your background on your computer pc?
rocks

44. Did you grow up in the city or country?
A little bit of both

45. Would you ever consider going on a reality tv show if offered a large sum of money?fuck yah!

46. Have you flown in your dreams?

I think more of a falling flying

47. What's one thing you're really good at cooking?
EVERYTHING.

48. Kisses or hugs?
if it's with the right person kisses but usually hugs

49. You have 10 dollars to spend in the dollar store... what do you get?
Candy most likely name brand stuff maybe a cleaning product.

50. Slurpee flavor? FUCK slurpees
Ew

That sounds like a lot when you look at it like that!!

So last night Amanda helped me with some Retail and Disney therapy. Unfortunately I fell asleep during the Emperor's New Groove, this being just after I had finished coffee ice cream and explaining how my body is now "in a rhythm" and I don't fall asleep randomly anymore from exhaustion. lol.

Tonight is the 3rd of July. Normally I night of primitive splendors. Hundreds of drunken, jovial townspeople gather around a massive rip-roaring, fire along side the Atlantic ocean.

But no, no, no. Not this year. But what are we to do?

WE ARE ONLY MERE MORTALS. MUST WE THINK OF EVERYTHING?!

Me thinks not.


Boston is a mess, what with Harbor fest and all. I'm getting more comfortable speaking in front of these huge groups for Faneuil Hall talks. And dare I say, I'm starting to have fun with it...

A few people at work keep me sane them being Ron, Dwaine, Meredith and of course Melissa.

3 of the 4 are under 50. Ron is this older guy, who is absolutely incredible. He realizes that half the people at BNHP are fucking nuts. But he just takes it with a grain of salt. So great.

Once again, I don't know what I'm doing with my life. I'm thinking about doing an internship with Marriott next summer in the UK. Not sure where exactly but my mom really wants me to do it. UMass has an affiliation with Marriott so it wouldn't be that hard to set up.

My new furniture is getting delivered to the place in somerville in 9 days. I don't think it's hit me yet, how much my life is about to change.

If I think about it too much, it's hard to breathe. So I'll stop now.





STOP

This is what I wonder at 1:00 in the morning...

Summer of FAF has been pretty good so far.

Work is tiring, as usual. I miss UMass crew. But I have a few things to look forward to:

*Chicago
*Cape
*A queen size bed and new furni
*3rd of July
*Mama Buddah
*The return of Stu
*Friend's birthdays
*Greek lessons
*More Boston exploration
*Plymoth plantation
*Martha's Vineyard
*Mayhaps a roadtrip
*Hidden Jewel discoveries

Thursday and Friday are my days off this week and I already have some pretty solid plans for both days. WOO! Mary's 22 on thurs so be sure to punch her in the babymaker if you see her.

There are many other upcoming events but for now that sums it up. Now it's time for Monty Python and the holy grail. I need to find my DVD remote. Hmmm....

So after 19 years of living at 23 Shirley street, I am moving.

Much against my own will, in mid-July I'll be moving in to a house in Somerville. Here's my saving grace: I will have a bed at my dads to call my own.

Changes inevitably have to happen at some point. I don't know if I'm exactly ready for this one but... what can you do?

My mother can be rash a lot of the time but she's convinced this is the best thing. Mary and I had a long talk today and she helped me to see it more from mom's point of view. Mary and I live in Winthrop only 3 or so months out of the year. Mom lives there all the time and she's miserable. She's been in a rut for years and still hasn't cut the ties with Dad. She constantly exhausted working on the massive house and she really needs a change. Part of me is really happy for her. I'm excited in some ways for a change too. The place is adorable and close to Harvard and David square. It's only a 10-15 minute walk to the red line so I'll still be able to get to O-Heights pretty easily. This summer Mary and I are going to make a scrap book w/ stories about the old house.

Obviously I'm going to miss everyone from and everything about Winthrop. But I can always stay with my dad and I'm a half hour (which seems like an eternity) away by car.

I've cried too much over this. I can't wait for finals to be over to be home and for Mary to be back.

Now this summer has to be amazing. Summer of FAF commence.

I know I've been saying the past few months that I want for this semester to be over.

But I've got to thinking. I have less than two weeks left of school. Then I'm going to be working again in faneuil hall. And after that I'm in Greece. This semester has probably been the most challenging emotionally not even mentioning the academic challenge of accounting.

So hot damn, I've got to start living. I played the most intense game of ultimate Frisbee last night and it was amazing. I'm going to miss everyone from the dorms. I've lived in the same place for two amazing years with some of the greatest people I've met in a long time. Some are already gone or will be soon because they've dropped out, are going to fight a war, abroad, or something else.

Mary is coming home on June 1st and I can't wait. I'm listening to Of Montreal in her honor. I've actually got a decent music collection going after OIT raped my computer. If anyone has any good CDs I might have to snipe them. High School Musical on Friday, this is going to be mighty interesting. I can't wait to see everyone.

Sylvan Summer Event is on Saturday which I'm hosting/planning for. So can't wait until that's OVER. Mocktails for everyone! Mom is coming here for a picnic on mother's day which is also Glenn's birthday which requires some planning.

Scotty and I are going on a date to Chez Albert and Amherst Cinema soon. I can't even imagine not living with her. The fact we won't be together for a year makes my heart sink. But...we will be reunited for Christmas/spring break but most importantly SENIOR YEAR bitches! EW!

Just vommited in my mouth...just a wee bit.

OkGo was fucking incredible and Ben Folds was hilarious! They came onto the middle of floor and had people hold flash lights on them while they played some great acoustic songs. They also threw tambourines at the beginning of the show out into the audience and one just missed me so some aggressive concert goer felt the need to CLAW my face.


All in all, I've been well.

Just got off the phone w/ the Winthrop Gymnastics Academy. Looks like a Gymnast-tastic bday could be a possibility....


I love life.

If the community leaders get a grant I could be going to New Orleans in the Spring of next year and Africa my senior year for volunteer work.


I have so much to look forward to.

This could be me this summer.

BBut is that what I really want to do???


hmmmmmm....


I don't want to deal with life right now. People are annoying. I just want to curl up into a ball. I wish I new the outcome of Greece right now. It's going to suck if I'm not accepted. I'll probably go to either Spain or London if I don't get in.

Paris makes me smile.

I be driving to fitchburg to get nana hoe bags and chunka tomorrow.










yippee!

Farewell Facebook.

Burn in Hell MySpace.

<3

All I want to do right now is go to my shack with Gavin Creel, commute via the T to NYC so I can do my 2 daily performances on broadway, making my zero kids and one dolphin proud.